Boe Faced

Much disappointment on my trip to Brighton yesterday, when I didn't get to see the main object of my visit, who appeared to be out of town. Still, at least I got to see Space Pig.

Uncomfortable moments over dinner, when the contentious subjects of evolution, religion and intelligent design were raised in the midst of what had been a remarkably light-hearted and good-natured day. The dread silence was broken only by the snarfling of pepperoni.

That's pizza for you. Me, I prefer pastafarianism.

Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there

I've been limiting my internet activity for the last week or so for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I went to a stag weekend that, while tremendous fun, took a little longer than usual to recover from. Secondly, this week I've really gone back to work, with all the attendant pain which that involves. Fact is, I haven't really wanted to spend too much time staring at a computer screen, which can only be healthy...

Anyway.

Working from home today, which allows me the luxury of starting a little later, and hence the opportunity to have a morning browse of the newspaper. And, as is my wont, I've started noticing patterns. Patterns about patterns, and how to interpret them (or not, depending on what you're looking for, or trying to prove). A paranoid would-be literary critic's dream...

All from today's Guardian, I'm afraid:

CIA fail to find messages to terrorists in TV broadcasts.

The martians aren't coming.

Global warming hits 'tipping point'.

Right: to work now. Poo.

Spam update

I don't receive spam emails at home, my somewhat meagre prophylactic measures having had the required effect.

At work, however, where they have sufficient budget and personpower that you would think they would be able to prevent this kind of botherage, spam seems to be a real problem.

Emails this morning from:

• Bucketed I. Stealthy
• Bibiana Huynh
• Furr Christopher

The last one makes me feel vaguely uneasy...

Hi ho, hi ho

Back to work today, what joy.

I'd anticipated somewhere in the region of 400 emails which would, at the very least, need deleting. In actual fact, I got off much lighter than that, with a total of 267. Once I'd got rid of the spam, the circulars, the one with the 10MB attachment (and the related "Your mailbox is over its size limit, what a shame disk storage isn't dirt cheap these days"), and the ones I frankly couldn't be arsed with, I had it down to a much more manageable 30. Which I'll deal with tomorrow. Or on one of the days which will, inevitably, follow.

Most fun for the day was to be had in my "junk email folder", where the senders of said junk are demonstrating unparalleled levels of either boredom or inventiveness these days. Not in the contents of said junk, obviously: like any good geek, I'd rather set about the insides of my computer with a blowtorch than even try to open something from someone I don't know, particularly when they seem to think that penis enlargement is a priority of mine.

No, the amusement was to be had in running down the names of the aliases employed by whichever spambot it was that had seen fit to send the stuff to me in the first place. In times gone by, these emails would disguise themselves behind the name "John Smith" or "Jane Brown" in a desperate attempt to assume the identity of someone in your contact list. These days, the aliases assume middle initials, and these are the best examples I found today:

• Scald I. Exactness
• Shrieking B. Roget
• Prickly I. Sheers
• Monkey L. Rebounding
• Constance L. Engined
• Rejoining H. Agitated
• Valve H. Crosier
• Anecdote V. Volstead
• Ruses C. Sternly
• Nobody O. Nicaragua
• Glances S. Resuscitating
• Lorentz H. Laxness
• Granularity J. Being
• Cellphones V. C*nt (ahem, rude word)
• Staunch H. Gorgeous
• Yves G. Sidelight

My favourites, as will have been guessed by now by anybody who knows me even vaguely well, were of course Monkey L. Rebounding and Granularity J. Being.

The only question outstanding is: what do those darn middle initials actually stand for...?